Retreat Diaries - Day 5

Last night I slept so well I thought I was back at home when I woke up.

I didn't do much today. I bought some home-made chutney and second-hand books from the shop, thus spending all of the pocket money for the trip.

second-hand books

Something that came to me over the last few days was repetitiveness. Like Facebook for exarmple. I go on there 20,000 times a day and what do I get from it? Just some up dates I don't care about. Jane talked about doing things around the house, make myself feel useful.

After an afternoon of reading James Harriot in Living room 2, at last I had to leave.

Living room 2

Car journey to the station, 30 minute wait, and standing all the way to Paddington. Everyday life was coming back to me. I was going back to being one of the faceless 7,556,900 of London.

So, what have I learnt over the last few days? Don't ask me.

Retreat Diaries - Day 4

I've been hanging out in the drawing room today. It's newly renovated and smells of paint. I like this room's decor, very relaxing. And the help-yourself cafe is just next door. I've started reading children's books, something very comforting about them sometimes.

Drawing room

In one of the exercises in the Vein of Gold you have to writing down things like "Mary is an amazing artist. Mary is the reviver of 21 century art. , etc." and then writing down the feelings (if any) you get. If you feel shame, anger why is that?

When Jane and I have the chats she said something about drawing a circle. Inside the circle I put the things I'm OK with doing (comfort zone). On the out of the circle I put the things I'm not OK with doing (comfort zone). And then I have to work on putting things on the outside inside. Easier said then done.

Help-yourself cafe

My retreat is coming to an end and already the fears of tomorrow are crippling me. When I came back from evening prayer I asked one of the ladies if they had already booked a cab for me for tomorrow. She said no, but "we can book it tomorrow." Of cause we can! Why was I getting so worked up about it?

Retreat Diaries - Day 3

My favourite room is Living Room 2. It has everything I need: sofas that eat you with cuddles, a clear view of the where the sheep roam, heating and, of cause, books. Every time I enter this room I smile because it is so warm. I bring my knitting here and I'm at that for hours.

SHEEP!

Today I went for a walk to the closest village. Didn't take me very long. walked past at lest 3 mad dogs. Jane said that there is a little stream in the village. Didn't find it. But there is a little post office. Didn't see a co-op so I wonder how the old folk who can't drive eat?

out and about

In The Vein of Gold it says that I have to write Morning Pages: write whatever comes to mind the second I get up on 3 A4 pages. It quite hard, but when I feel I have nothing to write I write just that in till something, anything, comes to me.

This was the only day out of all the days I went where it didn't rain.

Retreat Diary - Day 2

I wake up to the sound of life stock. Every time the cows moo I think my phone is vibrating from within my bag, even though I can't get reception out here. You get used to it.

After breakfast me and Jane, the lady who met me at the station, had a chat. We talked for about 20 minutes. I don't remember much about it, but it was good to chat.

She gave me two books to read over the next few days: "The Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron (she was going to give me "The Artist's Way" but someone else was borrowing it) and "The Work We Were Born to Do" by Nick Williams. They were both pretty fat books so I didn't see myself finishing them in time. The V of G is a very interesting book.

Because there is only me and another guy as retreaters this week they didn't heat all the rooms. Living room 2, Drawing room and the TV room* are snug. While the Hallway, Living room 1 and the chapel are pretty freezing. It's weird going from LR2 to the Kitchen because you have to go through all the coldness.

At the shop they sell home-made chutneys and jams, jewellery, pots and books.

If there is one thing I can say about this place it's the massive amount of books. I cannot express just how many books there is at Mill House. It should be called a reading retreat.



*and yes, TV room wasn't a typo, there really is a telly at the retreat. Don't ask.

Retreat Diary - Day 1

Day 1

I openly admit to crying as I made my way along platform 4 to get the 13:06. Some minutes before I kept getting these "doubt fits" where for some seconds I think "What am I doing? Am I going crazy? I can't go on this retreat. I just can't!"

The train journey was forgettable. Mid week emptiness; the old folk and housewives with pre-schoolers. I read the magazine I had bought at Paddington in till Reading. Spent the rest of the journey in worry: mostly about having to use the phone when I got there.

But in the end I didn't even have to use the phone. When I arrived at Tiverton Parkway (not Tiverton mind, that's still 7 miles away) I phoned the retreat only to be told that that some people were waiting for me in the car park. I saw a woman searching in the crowds.

I came up to her and asked, "Mill House?" She replied a positive and we introduced ourselves.

After a 5 minute car journey down Devonshire lanes I had at last arrived.

Pre Retreatal Thoughts

From the 8th to the 12th of this month I will be going to a place called Mill House for a retreat. Why? I don't really know, and to be honest— I think I'm crazy.
I can tell you how I am going. My darling father asked on my birthday if that would be something I'd like. Not really thinking of the consequences, I said yes.
Now, in a few days time I'm going to be taking a train to the other side of England.

On my own.

I can just about summon the courage to go to the shops on my own, nevermind Devon.
Like I said, crazy!

I think in a week from now the world will be a different place.